How to: Handle Unwanted PDA
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“If I don’t see it, it didn’t happen,” says Senior Easton Ballard on the topic of PDA. This out of sight, out of mind mentality works well for most who do not enjoy the face sucking that occurs in the bustling halls of Riverton High School. Sadly this does not always work and glimpses of these hallway horrors still appear. Here are a few tips on how to handle such situations seen.
How to handle unwanted PDA:
Tip #1: Spray it down and tape around.
“Spraying water on the couple and taping their faces together might teach them to get a room,” says Senior Danika Nageli. Most teachers have spray bottles on hand for situations like this. Tape can also be found in most classrooms nearby. Holding tape with two fingers inside the hole gives most efficient wrapping results.
Tip #2: Put out the fire.
“When in doubt, pull the fire alarm,” Mr. Henriksen jokes. This will discourage all promiscuous hallway loiterers and force them to exit the building immediately. (Warning: Pulling of the fire alarm may cause detention or other serious consequences. Proceed with caution.)
Tip #3: Throw a hall monitor at them.
This task may take someone with great strength and determination. Some hall monitors may vary in size and weight. Ask your doctor first if you can handle lifting hall monitors in your area before proceeding with this method.
Tip #4: Object to PDA with a megaphone.
Megaphones such as the one in Mr. Hagen’s office can produce sounds loud enough for a full auditorium to hear. Borrowing one for the distraction of hallway PDA couples may be limited to those who only object respectively as in a civil court case.
Tip #5: Stare.
As much as we do not want to see unwanted PDA, they do not want unwanted onlookers. To create awkward tension, a staring contest with the closest looking couple may occur. For best results, move closer.
Tip #6: PDA war.
Join in! Make them uncomfortable with your presence just as much as you are uncomfortable with theirs.
Tip #7: Narrate.
Ramble off observations of their PDA such as, “Here goes Johnny with round two, viciously shoving his tongue down Susan’s throat.”
Tip #8 Buy them a courting stick.
This six foot long hollow tube allows couples to coo sweet nothings to one another from a safe and comfortable distance. “(Courting Sticks) shouldn’t have gone out of style in my opinion. To stop PDA I would hand out some of those bad boys,” says Senior Aimee Scott.
For victims of unwanted PDA, hopefully these tips helped. For those guilty of violent PDA, you may want to reconsider your time and place for such actions because in the words of Henriksen, “nothing says romance like the bench outside the Riverton Maverick.”